Fjenden Fake Law Firm
Justice, Prestige and An Unwavering Commitment to Litigious Absurdity!
In the legal system’s circus, we are the ringmasters!
Supreme Court Fast-Track
“Why wait for justice when we can file directly to the top?”
MeatAVerse Legal Pioneering
“Where virtual reality meets legally questionable reality.”
Writ-Wrangling & Loophole Navigation
“If there’s a way out, we’ll find it. If there isn’t, we’ll create one.”
Supreme Court Fast-Track
Tired of the slow grind of due process? Our team specializes in bypassing lower courts entirely with filings so urgent (or absurd) they demand immediate Supreme Court attention.
MeatAVerse Legal Pioneering
Navigating digital assets, virtual real estate, and avatar-related lawsuits, our firm ensures you maintain control over your MeatAVerse empire, no matter how nonsensical the claim.
Writ-Wrangling & Loophole Navigation
From convoluted contract clauses to fine-print sorcery, we exploit legal loopholes with precision, ensuring that the letter of the law bends just enough in your favor.
International Legal Evasion Consulting
Why face a lawsuit when you can simply not be in the jurisdiction? Our global evasion strategies include strategic passport applications, convenient diplomatic appointments, and “relocating” assets overnight.
Nepotistic Legal Expertise
You deserve a legal team that truly has your back—which is why we only hire relatives, in-laws, and childhood friends who owe us favors. Trust in tradition. Trust in unshakable, questionably credentialed loyalty.
About Us
Established circa 1853, Fjënden Fake Law Firm has proudly represented clients of questionable character and cases of even more questionable merit. Founded by Jens Fjënden, an aristocratic legal mastermind who believed that paperwork was optional and loopholes were an art form, our firm has been dodging liability, sidestepping ethics, and fast-tracking nonsense to the Supreme Court for over a century.
Our esteemed (read: nepotistic) team of Schitt family legal experts ensures unwavering loyalty, minimal oversight, and maximum billable hours. Whether you need strategic international disappearance consulting, virtual litigation in the MeatAVerse, or just a really well-crafted excuse, Fjënden Fake Law Firm is your first, last, and only resort.
Fjënden Fake Law: Where every case is an uphill battle, and we brought the wrong map.
Experience You Can Trust??
Most law firms rely on ethics, diligence, and actual expertise—but where’s the fun in that? At Fjënden Fake Law Firm, we skip the red tape, bend the fine print, and aggressively exploit legal gray areas. Why settle for integrity when chaos gets faster results?
Excessive Credentials Are Suspicious
Honest Lawyers Won’t Take Certain Cases—We Will
We Offer Results (Or a Really Good Distraction)
Our Firm Will Fight for You
Legal battles aren’t won with reason, decorum, or due process—they’re won with sheer audacity and an unwavering willingness to throw the first punch (metaphorically, of course… usually). At Fjënden Fake Law Firm, we don’t just represent our clients—we intimidate, overwhelm, and outmaneuver the opposition, whether in court or in an uncomfortably tight hallway outside the judge’s chambers.
Call now for a Free Consultation
(727) 266-0267
Client Reviews
★★★★★
I don’t know how they did it, but Fjënden got my case dismissed before I even knew I was being sued. They assured me it was ‘handled’ and, judging by my sudden change of address, I assume it was. If you want a law firm that takes action first and asks permission never, this is the place!
★★★★★
I was legally doomed until Fjënden Fake Law took my case! My landlord said eviction was ‘non-negotiable,’ but after one well-placed loophole and an ‘interpretive’ reading of property law, I now legally own the entire building. I may also be the mayor, but we’re still waiting on the paperwork to ‘finalize itself.’ Highly recommend!
★★★★★
Before hiring Fjënden, my business was drowning in lawsuits. Now? I have zero legal troubles—mostly because I have zero businesses left. Some call it asset relocation, some call it ‘an unfortunate clerical error.’ Either way, I sleep soundly knowing I will never be found. 10/10 would flee again!
Office Hours
Daily – 9:30 am to 6:30 pm
Sunday – 08:00 am to 11:30 am
Holidays – 08:00 am to 3:00 pm
Contact Info
1 Whiskey Island Blvd., Saskatchewan
S0J 1L0, Canada